Short Funny Quotes

I have great faith in fools; self-
confidence my friends call it.


It’s not cheating unless you get
caught.


Quitting smoking is the easiest
thing in the world. I ’ve done it
dozens of times.


I think crime pays. The hours are
good, you travel a lot.


I hope life isn’t a joke, because I
don’t get it.


When I read about the evils of
drinking, I gave up reading.


Flying is simple. You just throw
yourself at the ground and miss.


Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.


Most people are only alive
because it is illegal to shoot them.


Life is a waste of time and time is
a waste of life, so waste your
time and have the time of your
life !


As long as there are tests, there
will be prayer in schools.


I’m knot a blonde! I’m knot, I’m
knot, I’m knot!


Girls want a lot of things from
one guy. Conversely, guys want
one thing from a lot of girls.
I’ve got problem for your
solution…


Some say the glass is half full,
some say the glass is half empty. I
say “Are you gonna drink that?”


Your school GPA is inversely
proportionate to your girlfriend’s
looks and vise versa.


Everyone has a photographic
memory … some just don’t have
film.


Common sense is the most evenly
distributed quantity in the world.
Everyone thinks he has enough.


All people have the right to
stupidity but some abuse the
privilege.


When I was born I was so
surprised I didn ’t talk for a year
and a half.


Do you believe in love at first
sight or should I walk by again ?